So you're probably wondering about our one progressing investigator....
The other night, I crawled up into my top bunk to say my nighttime prayer and I started to hear snoring. When I looked over the side of my bed, I saw my companion still kneeling next to her bed in the middle of her prayer. Yeah, that's the level of tired I'm talking about. Whenever I have a moment to think to myself while we're out walking to a rendez-vous in the pouring rain, I just picture my future husband doing push-ups over a textbook. Blessings aren't always immediate for the sacrifices I'm making now, ya know...
- If you watch the Joseph Smith film with a recent convert who is a 65 year-old widowed Italian woman, chances are it will yield 1 hour and 9 minutes of commentary on how beautiful the actor is.
- Every member in our branch has at least 12 cats, which is great if you know me personally. My sinuses and throat have literally been swelled with great joy for days now.
- I have taught my Tahitian companion the following phrases and words in English: awkward, sketchy, creepy, I dig it, yikes, Got 'em, frick, and "INEEDAPEE!!" (That last one is her favorite. It sounds cute in a Tahitian accent.)
As I alluded to in the paragraph above, I have had quite the week. I don't know why my youth has suddenly been sucked out of me, but waking up, being attentive, being SINCERE, being present in the moment has just been close to impossible for me. Just the news you were probably looking for, I'm sure. It's been a painful climb back on my feet after trying to focus on the "most important things" that I mentioned last week. It's a slow learning process, and one of the things I learned that is key in coming back to reality is saying no. It's that simple.
I accepted that fact that I can't be the missionary that knows how to handle a non-French speaking Spaniard who needs to be escorted through church on Sunday or the missionary that plays all the hymns perfectly on the piano during our meetings or the missionary that can rattle off scripture references off the top of her head like they're facts about her life or blah blah this or blah blah that. I've accepted it. I realized that I was like a kid who wants to give their parents a piggy back ride because she saw her parents doing the same with their other kids. It works for the parents because they've grown big enough to hold the child, but the child doesn't recognize that she still needs time to grow. I feel like that in a lot of ways. It's really egocentrical when I think about it. I know better. I know my limits. I know what God would rather me do instead of comparing myself to those who've already had that time to grow.
It's refreshing, actually, to be able to tell people no, you can't, you haven't had the time to practice or the time to learn. God doesn't want you to stress yourself out beyond your capacity to feel the influence He wants to have in your life. I've been learning more and more how to recognize my limits and how far I can push myself before God tells me, "Okay, I think you're biting off a little too much." Several times I choked this week, and after about a tear here and there (or a waterfall, if you will), I realized this isn't what He wants me to be doing. I'm accepting my prematurity and I'm focusing on what will make me the most effective servant He wants me to be. I'll still practice, I'll still study, I'll still take on challenges, but walking is a prerequisite to running still.
I love you so much. I has been brought to my attention also that I have family in the South reading my blog that aren't even Mormon. Shout out ta y'all over there!! As my nana told me when I was growing up in the boonies of Georgia, "I love you more than a hog loves slop."
Take care.
P.S. Some pics:
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| MY COOKIES ARE FINALLY ROUND! |
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| Wandered into a Castle and found a Fishing Museum :) |
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| Just outside Annecy in a little town called Rumilly. |
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